These are my definitions of Mother & Mom.
Mother – Noun, A person who has given birth to, is raising, or has adopted a child.
Mom – Noun, A person who has dedicated their life to their children. This person is nurturing & caring. She makes salads in mason jars & actually completes all the things she pins on pinterest. (Also see; Perfect Parent, DIYer, Healthy, Organic, NonGMO, etc)
I am a mother. I have never been a mom. I, like many other women, was not born with the genetic disposition to be a mother. You can call me selfish or callus but I am just being real here. I love my children & they are well taken care of, but I am just not a mother.
I do not do mornings. I have little patience. I cringe when I touch sticky things(& my children are #ForeverSticky). I like long naps & periods of silence. I only craft if the mood strikes me & the moon is in a particular cycle. I do not cook 3 meals a day. I’ll cook one(2 on a great day). My children eat processed food that comes in cans or can be stored in my freezer. Yesterday they had, I kid you not, Vienna Sausages, crackers, & a Little Debbie brownie for lunch. They were happy & full. Oh, & we ate pizza for dinner. I listen to music with explicit lyrics(& my kids dance along). I watch anime, Dr. Who, Supernatural, & Pretty Little Liars with my children(& yes my daughter can sing the PLL theme song). I go out with my husband regularly, & my kids stay with a family member. My 4 year old can see my bottle of rum on top of the fridge & she calls it “bat beer”. I have pink hair, tattoos, & I swear as if my life depended on it. That’s just me, but guess what?
IT’S OKAY!
My parenting style is pretty free range, but my children are happy, healthy, & well adjusted. They view the world with wonder and awe just like any other child. They love me & I love them. We snuggle up every day & watch a few episodes of Digimon while painting each others nails & snacking on chips. We talk about everything. My children are hilarious. Talking to my 4 year old is like talking to a tiny little 16 year old(chock full of useless information & attitude fueled by an extensive vocabulary). I am not going to win any parenting awards, & I don’t want to. This world is crazy. It’s full of people who are different, foods that are bad for you, cursing, & general weirdness. My children are preparing to be a part of that world. I will not shelter them from reality. I will protect them from harm. I won’t let them watch horror movies before bedtime. I will teach them to love people, to embrace new ideas, & to accept other peoples choices. I will urge them to choose their own path & travel down it with wild abandon.
If you are a “mom”, I salute you! I am proud of you, but I do not want to be you. I am right where I want to be; sitting on my bed, drinking an energy drink, working, while my girls play dolls in the next room. I am a “mother”, & that is totally okay.
Leave me a comment & tell me how you feel.
The Mrs. Hamner 
This is awesome! 🙂
Thanks Stacy! 🙂
I totally understand where you are coming from! I am a stay at home Mommy/small business owner/blogger, whew. I love my children but I feel like a mommy version of Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde! Some days I love being a ‘Mom’ and other days I only want to be a Mother!
I have my “mom” days, but I am still the same person I was before my children. I made my children part of my life, instead of making my life part of my children. It’s a balance.
I often wonder this myself. I married a man with two boys and he already had a vasectomy so we never had kids of our own. We did have one of the boys live with us for a few years and it was very difficult. He was into smoking pot and he lied about things all the time. I know its different when you give birth but I wonder if my patience would wear thin. I can barely tolerate my cat crying for attention. I wonder if I would be similar to you if I had my own children.
Everyone is different. I honestly never wanted to be a mother. I talked about it often before I met my husband. When I found out I was pregnant with my first I was not prepared but I finally came to the realization that I didn’t have to become a “mom”. I could choose my parenting style, no matter what society told me I needed to be. I love my children, but they are a part of my life, not my entire life. Its so hard to explain lol.
I think this is super respectable. I have a girlfriend who got knocked up and had a kid – he’s almost 12 now. She told me “I never wanted to have kids. I’m just not built to be a mother” but that hasn’t stopped her from still giving him a great life. Takes a big person to recognize that and accept it. You go girl!
Some women just aren’t built that way & we have to stop making them feel like that’s a bad thing. Not being “motherly” isn’t a crime, it’s just a different way of parenting. ❤ Thanks girl!
Yes. It’s shitty how society tries to make women’s self worth based on if they have kids / mom-ness
You described me to a T! Loved this post.
I totally get your feelings on this! I think I’m in between your definitions of “mom” and “mother”. It’s cool how we’re all so different, but we all have one thing in common: we love our kids!
I’m not just a mother, but i’m not a full fledged mom either. I’m somewhere in the middle. Thanks for sharing!
I don’t have any kids (just yet). So, I don’t know if I will be a ‘mother’ or ‘mom’ or something in between. But, society shouldn’t pressure woman to be the cookie cutter “mom” if they don’t want to be – that’s not who they are. With that being said, this is 2016, you do you, girl! Thanks so much for sharing!